His Take:
Bad language. At some point, we’ve all gotten frustrated or mad or upset and have let fly with a curse word. Now, I believe that average person probably swears about 3-5 times a day, depending on the circumstances. Ladies and gentlemen, I am here to tell you that when it comes to this, I am WAY above average. What mystifies me is that there’s no reason for it. I was raised in a house where the strongest language was “damn”. If one of my grandparents used the word “shit”, you knew that something either exploded or was about to. But again, these instances were few and far between. My parents, didn’t really swear that much either. More than my grandparents, but not anywhere near what I’d call excessive. I once heard my mom drop an F bomb when she burned herself taking a tray of cupcakes out of the oven. Again, you get my point. Not a whole lot of cussing in the Hayes family.
Why then, do I swear so much? Maybe it’s the “grown-up” rule. Remember when you were 18 or so and you realized that your parents couldn’t make you do anything anymore? Like, you realized that in life that there were no actual rules? You could put McDonald’s hamburgers on a Pizza Hut pizza and nobody could stop you from having that for dinner. Now it’s even more concerning as I have 2 nieces that are very young and when I’m around them, I really have to concentrate on NOT swearing. I don’t want my time with them limited because I can’t control what I say. Anybody got any suggestions for cutting back on swearing? At this point, I’ll try anything.
Another aspect of bad language that I wanted to touch on, is a little different. I believe in the power of the tongue. There are many verses in the Bible about this, and if the Bible isn’t your thing, ask any coach, therapist, counselor, or motivational speaker. Okay, please don’t ask a motivational speaker. They’re awful.
When you say something like “Man, I just can NEVER loose weight, no matter what I do”, by saying that I believe you’re taking ownership of that statement and that you ARE going to have a hard the loosing weight. Whereas, when you say something like “I’m having a hard time with my weight now, but I know that I’m gonna get down to the weight I want to be at”, I .think you’re telling yourself that you are going to loose weight, which will plant something in your mind to keep working out, and you’ll eventually get to where you want to be. Now, nothing happens in life if you don’t take action, but by using this sort of “bad language”, you’re giving yourself a major shot of negative reinforcement and that makes it a WHOLE lot easier to fail. And failing is easy. Failing is even comfortable. That’s a topic for another day.
The bottom line is, be careful not to turn into a swearing robot and be mindful of what you say. Speaking positively will always be more powerful than speaking negatively. And if you don’t think so, you’re a dirty m$@%#r %#^k#r.
Her Take:
I was going to start by saying that my relationship with swearing was ‘complicated’.
That’s a lie. It’s not complicated at all. I LOVE to swear.
I’m good at it too.
So, instead of pretending that I have reservations about the occasional (and/or frequent) cuss word, let’s talk about how and when I think it’s perfectly fine and totally healthy to let one rip.
(We’re still talking about swearing here, no one should have to hear you fart.)
First, some background: I don’t remember when I learned that there were grown-up words (by which I mean cuss words, not things like ‘adjustable-rate-mortgage’ or ‘fiduciary’) but I do remember nailing my mother down on when, exactly, I would be allowed to use them.
Chances are, she swore, I heard it, and I was just the right age to start wondering when I could do that too. Probably because, even then, I could see that there was nothing as totally emotionally satisfying as the perfect swear at just the right moment.
‘Crap’, I learned, would be the first I was allowed when I was 13. ‘Damn’ would come next, that was probably at 15, and we’d round that journey out with ‘Shit’ once I was 18. Notably, the F-Word was not on the list, and never would be. Also absent from my consideration were any dirty words for genitals or that would take the Lord’s name in vain. I was well aware of the latter, had heard some of that in our own house, but my mind hadn’t even been opened yet to how we could take biological functions and important parts of our anatomy and make them profane.
Crap, Damn, Shit. That’s what I was able to negotiate.
And, not only did I never forget that negotiation, it was literally the only part of being a parent I felt ready for. For the record, the rules were roughly the same for my kids, the only major difference being that I listed all of the rest for them, including the F-Word, and told them never to say them in front of me. It seemed fair. Let’s assume that my odd way of handling cursing was NOT the thing that screwed my kids up the most and move on to today, shall we?
In my opinion, we can categorize swearing into 3 types. Two of those types are not just perfectly acceptable, they’re emotionally healthy. They’re like yoga for your brain… which already exists and is call ‘Yoga’, but you get my point. Not only am I not ashamed to engage in these forms of cursing, I actually PRIDE MYSELF on them. I’m a Maestro, if you will, in the art of stringing curse words together, or so my ego will tell me.
Now, the 3rd type of swearing is where I get all judgey and turn into a very dry spinster librarian. (Apologies to any spinster librarians reading this, I’m not talking about you, you’re awesome and your friends all think you’re really cool… so does your cat.) But we’ll get there.
Type #1: Punchline Swearing
This should be the most sacred and revered form of profane language. It takes the most craftsmanship, the most thought, and, ideally, ends with a laugh. Full disclosure, the F-Word is my favorite Punchline swear, and not just because it’s the most forbidden. It ends on such a nice percussive note. It’s perfect for a lot of occasions.
The trick is to understand that the joke you’re about to deliver is just better, funnier, or riskier and more shocking with the exact right cuss. I may be giving myself a pass here knowing that there’s almost NOTHING I won’t say if I think it’s funny, but watch this video from one of my personal cursing heros and see if you don’t agree.
Type 2: Emergency Swearing
This is an easy explanation, you’ve stubbed your toe. No matter what words you used when that happened, it’s perfectly fine. You were right.
Type 3: The Lazy Swear
You can’t see me, but I’m pursing my lips and shaking my finger in a very prudish way just thinking about this, and I’m not sure I can explain why. There’s this lazy, childish version of cussing that I just can’t support.
YES! I KNOW!! It sounds REALLY hypocritical, right? But there’s something about someone who just drops an unnecessary F-Bomb, just throws it in as an afterthought, and it only serves to sound kind of gross. It’s basically them using offensive language that I’m totally comfortable using and assume no one should be offended by and making it somehow offensive to me.
Nope, I don’t understand it myself, but there it is. Words have power, and well used words, even if they’re dirty words, make me happy.
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