Her Take:
The scene that follows describes me embroiled in a confrontation with my arch-enemy.
This is a very dramatic scene, so please read it that way. If you feel the urge to exclaim something suitable for this mood or draw the back of your hand to your forehead in a gesture of utter dismay, feel free to do so. Just don’t bite your fingernails, that’s gross.
I knew at the beginning of last week I was going to have to write something positive for this blog entry, and now here I sit. Laptop open, fingers paused mid-word, essentially useless.
Enemy mine, I confront you.
I even told myself and my co-blogger that sure, I wasn’t feeling too many warm and fuzzy things yet but if something didn’t come to mind, I would just have to create something positive to talk about. Admittedly, up to that point, I had been spending most of my free time wallowing in self pity. (Hey, that’s not a one-and-done kind of thing, you really have to set aside time to ruminate for an unhealthy amount of the day.)
So, I set out that moment to turn that all around. Put on my positive pants, buckle up my happy shoes (my shoes have buckles in this analogy, I’m not sure why).. All of those super motivating things.. And then I wallowed some more. Not much, just maybe 3 or 4 days. By then it was the weekend and it was time to shift into ‘CLEAN THIS FREAKING HOUSE THAT I CAN’T FREAKING LEAVE’ mode and get something done. I know I’m pretty subtle but, spoilers, I was still not in a mentally healthy place.
Despite that, I thought I could maybe pull it off with a few handy platitudes, some well placed words, and good intentions. But, dear reader, you deserve better. You’ve earned the truth.
It took me a lot longer to be ok than I thought it would, and I sometimes am still not ok.
Ironically, that’s the good thing I want to talk about.
Make no mistake, there’s not a nerve in my body that is not on high alert every waking hour. Sometimes it actually feels like they’re humming in my head like a high-tension wire, waiting to be triggered and sound an alarm. When I sleep, I wake up from upsetting dreams I don’t remember - except for the one where I wore an adult diaper to a fancy cocktail party, that one was just a good idea - and don’t really feel rested. But guess what? I’m making it EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Which is what we have to do. Not just now, but always.
And here’s why I think I’m making it every day: the little kid is watching me.
See,the week before this started, my daughter and granddaughter moved home. I won’t go into the whole messy reason why and probably some day I’ll be back her writing about how that all played out, but also maybe not. That’s not the point.
The point is that there’s another version of the universe where they don’t suddenly have to move home, where I spend a lot of time alone, and most of that time is spent worrying about what the hell will happen if they get sick when they live two hours away. In that reality, I’m definitely a basket case… more… more of a basket case… and maybe, just maybe, something happens to one of them and I can’t be there. OR nothing happens to either of them, they’re just bored in an apartment 2 hours away for months and I still can’t be there.
Instead, yesterday we made Easter cards with thumbprint bunnies to leave outside her Great Grandparent’s houses. We have dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets in the freezer and have watched Boss Baby every day for 2 weeks. While I was on a conference call with my boss this week, I could hear my granddaughter singing a song she wrote called ‘Bubba’s House’. Bubba is what she calls my husband and the song goes like this, ‘Bubba’s House… Bubba’s House… Bubba’s Hooouuuuse… (jump jump) … Bubba’s House’. That’s all I know, I think that might be the chorus. Or the bridge. All I know is that it’s catchy.
Most importantly, though, is that my daughter, who was feeling lost, alone, and angry when she dumped the last of her earthly belongings in our garage a few weeks ago, seems to be healing. She’s smiling and laughing more, she’s taking care of herself and looking for a way to be better, and we’re getting time together that we haven’t had for a long time.
Here’s where I selfishly pivot back to talking about myself, right? Right now my bright spot in all of this yuck is pretty simple. I’m getting up every day, doing what I have to do, and making the absolute best of every second because I have two girls here now, watching, and I want them to know that they’re doing just fine too.
His Take:
Recently, things have started to shift that way again. Yes, we’re all supposed to stay in but let’s be real. We need stuff. Trips to the grocery store or pharmacy are things that we still have to do no matter what order is in place. During a few trips I’ve taken I’ve noticed the upswing on people being…decent people to each other. There’s a real “we’re all in this together” vibe out there. And inside there’s so much positivity going on.
Countless entertainers, and people who don’t consider themselves entertainers, are putting up videos all over the internet showcasing their talents and giving free concerts, demonstrations, telling jokes, teaching you things, and doing all sorts of things to help us all pass the time a little more enjoyably. They’re getting our minds off the ugly things going on outside the window. Search for ANYTHING you’re even remotely interested in on YouTube and you’re gonna find it, No matter what social media platform you’re on, there’s always someone broadcasting live, or at the very least someone posted a video about what you like.
TV stations are doing what they can, too. Okay, hearing a daily death toll isn’t exactly a good time, but hey, at least we’re informed. Beyond that, they’re giving us things that we don’t normally get. They’re airing shows that aren’t scheduled to be aired yet, so we have something new and fresh for us to watch. Streaming channels are putting up movies just weeks after they’re in theaters so that we have the opportunity to see them since all the theaters are closed, and game companies are making certain games available for download so that gamers have something new to pass the time. All the while, school and work is going on, but it’s going on at home, with tablets and laptops.
The point of all this is that we’re really, really close to being decent people again. The biggest problem is that people still go on social media and blame people for things instead of dealing with shit themselves. If you think that any one person or policy could’ve stopped a virus, then you need to take 4th grade science class again and loose your attitude because the rest of us are trying to get to the other side of this thing,
But in the meantime, a great big THANK YOU to all of you who’ve shared your time and talent to help the rest of us get through each day a little easier, you have no idea how much what you’ve given us truly means.
Check out these links for some of my favorite things that have been put up for us all to enjoy!
https://youtu.be/UeC327V1J9E
https://youtu.be/WNKeP8BNwgo
https://youtu.be/E0qIzCdvC8Q
https://youtu.be/F1axBGWFm4U
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