Her Take:
This was hard for all of the reasons I didn’t think it would be. When we settled on a list of 5 - for no particular reason, I should add, other than to impose enough structure to launch the idea - I said to myself (and my writing partner) ‘I can fill that up with women in my family. No prob, Bob.’
Sure, yes, that’s still true, but it’s not just about picking names, it’s about understanding, and helping you understand, why I made those choices.
Otherwise it’s just a list of names, and these women deserve better than that.
(I numbered these entries, more to prove to myself that I had narrowed my list down to 5 than to place them in a hierarchy. Except #1. She’s #1 forever.)
#5 Darlyne - Former boss, Current friend
Not everyone really sees you, and that is Darlyne’s super power.
She’s a rare and special leader who works to surround herself with good people who can do what she doesn’t. When she finds those people she builds them up to succeed and supports them fiercely.
I hope I’ll have the guts to show her this blog, and that she reads it. If she gets this far I want her to know that working with her fundamentally changed me for the better.
When we met, I was 15 years into my career and had been long convinced that I was just not that good at anything. Yes, there were things I could do that other people didn’t, but it had been made abundantly clear by the people around me that they COULD do those things, it just wasn’t their job. It’s amazing how easy it is to demoralize people on your team just by questioning them in that certain way a little too much.
But Darlyne helped me see what I could truly do and then opened my eyes to possibilities that I hadn’t even considered. She celebrated my expertise - both in private and to a crowd, respected my opinions - even when they didn’t agree with hers, and gave me the courage to plant my feet firmly to defend what I knew was right.
Last year she found a whole other team that needed her and left our organization, and I miss her dearly. If she is reading this, I want her to know I still carry with me the lessons she taught me through demonstrating every day what a great leader can be.
#4 - Sandy - My High School Best Friend
Sandy is, and will always be, my first Best Friend. She was the first person from outside my family to tell me she loved me and my first “I love you too.” Maybe it doesn’t sound like a big deal, I say it ALL OF THE TIME now, but, in her way, Sandy opened those floodgates.
She is lovely and strong and funny and talented and never, never, never EVER let how truly amazing she is get in the way of her being a decent person. She is kind, and she is sarcastic, and I can’t say enough nice things about her to balance how much good she has brought into my life.
Here’s a story: We’re 16 or 17 and at a dance club with some other people. The place is packed wall-to-wall with teenagers and we’re actually trying to head to the door when a fight breaks out on the other side of the room. One kid on the other end of the line out gets pushed and it creates a chain reaction that ends with the guy behind me shoving me. It ends there because Sandy sees it happen and grabs that kid with both hands. She lifts him, by his shirt, to her face so she can say “Lay one more hand on my friend and I will hurt you.”
I wonder if she remembers that story, because I’ve never forgotten it.
It told me, at a time I needed it the most, that I had a friend that valued me so much she would fight for me.
#3 & 2 - Evelyn and Loretta - My Grandmothers
Hey, everything is fair when you’re making up your own rules, right? So it’s totally fair to give two of the most influential women in my life one spot and not have to choose who gets top billing.
It makes perfect sense to have these two women together, too, because they informed the two halves of my perfectly unbalanced self.
Evelyn Andreasen, my Mom’s mother, was every bit the practical, hard working child of the Depression. She was a widow - my Grandpa Andreasen had passed away before I was born - who lived in and cared for a three bedroom house, a garden as large as a city lot, flowers, children, grandchildren, friends, neighbors.. You name it, she took care of it. She worked morning to night, even after she retired, and made her life as she cared to make it.
Home grown food, homemade detergent, hand made rugs.. Blood, sweat and tears in everything she did because it was right to do for yourself. Watching her as I grew, I learned the value of hard work.
This is not to say that Loretta Winters, my Dad’s mother, wasn’t a hard worker. She was a teacher before I knew her, raised four kids, kept a home, and was a constant and loving partner to my Grandpa Winters. By the time I showed up, though, she was slowed by rheumatoid arthritis and spent most of her time with books. Every week Grandpa would take her to the library and she would come home with a huge stack of books. So many words that it was hard to believe, as a kid, that anyone could read them all. But she did. And then next week she went back for more. They also had a bookshelf in their living room full of books I never saw anyone read. As a kid, all I knew was that those were grown-up books and didn’t have any pictures.
When we cleaned my grandparent’s house for the last time I found myself standing in front of their bookshelf and paused, just for a minute. Grandma Winters taught me that my mind can take me places I could never imagine.
#1- Marie Winters - My Favorite Mother
Sure, I did the ‘I’m a teenager and I hate my mom and she’s never going to understand and GAAAWWWWDDDDD it’s SO EMBARRASSING’ thing. A lot of us do. I lied to her (a little) and I snuck around (some) but it was mostly about wanting to find myself and not have to see her ‘I Disapprove’ face. No one makes that face like my mom, you guys.
Then, one day in November when my oldest son was a baby, the police came and took his dad away because he wanted to hurt me, again, and I had to call home.
My mom answered.
I said “Momma, can I come home?” and she said “Of course, dear.”
The woman who takes you back when you treat her shamefully, lie to her, sneak around, make her lie awake at night worrying, don’t take her advice, and do everything you could to try to prove she was WRONG, that’s my Mom.
She’s the the woman who has taught me the most, and she’s the best kind of woman.
Other Women I would have included if it wasn’t a list of 5
Molly - My Daughter I saved her story for later, because she’s still writing it. She’s fierce, and we’ve fought, but not out of hate, because she was learning to be a warrior.
Shawn - My ‘Sister’ She deserves a whole essay to explain how, by loving a man I love like a brother, she gets the honorary title of sister.
Violet - My Aunt and Godmother She’s everything a woman should be: smart, funny, tough, bullheaded. She got me my first Credit Union job and I appreciate the HELL out of her.
Brenda, Shannon, Peta, and Elizabeth - My Sisters-In-Law Family's are complicated, my husband's family, doubly so. There's nothing complicated here though. These are just amazing women who have welcomed us into the fold.
My work Family Shut up. There are too many to name. I’m lucky enough to work in a female dominated industry and I can’t possibly explain how much these sisters mean to me every day.
Ok, that’s a nice even 11, I cheated. #NoRegrets
His Take:
“The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before.” - Albert Einstein
There have been some truly great women throughout history. Florence Nightingale, Joan of Ark, Jane Austen, Rosa Parks, the list goes on and on. But, I’ll take one single mom that works two jobs and still takes her children to church every week and is at every one of their games. To me, those are the true heroes of the world. I’ve written a list of what I think are the top 5 women living in the world today. You’ll find a little description accompanying each one, I tried to keep it short, because this could easily be the one piece that turns into a giant article that never ends. Also, these are in NO particular order at all.
Ilah Hayes-If you’re from Wisconsin Rapids and over the age of 50, Ilah Hayes probably fed you. She worked as a school cook for many, many years. Then spent a few years working for the American Potato company. She raised three daughters and one electrifying grandson. She was at every game, every play and was always a fighter when it came to any and all adversity. She was my grandmother and I love her and miss her greatly.
Suzanne Campbell-The woman of the hour! The tower of power! Too sweet to be sour!! What can I say about one of my best friends in the whole world? If you know her, you love her. If she’s your friend, she’s your friend for life. She has a very successful career and has also raised three wonderful children. Did I mention all the charity work she does? Oh, the cherry on the cake of this woman’s life? She can make an honest to God citizen’s arrest!!
Shawn Hayes-This woman has saved my life in more ways than one. But seriously, she has legit saved my life. I’d be totally dead if not for her. We met 25 years ago at a Blockbuster Video and we’ve been married since 1996. Except for her, I hate the 90’s. She’s an awesome medical assistant and my best friend.
Peggy Paulino-My mom! Good lord, I could write a book on this ladies life. Single mom in the 1970’s, when it was REALLY frowned upon and looked down on. Later married a man that wasn’t white, something that was really uncommon in Rapids. Left her son to move to California to make a better living for her family. Survived a heart attack, and a massive stroke. Now, she’s a very fun grandma, a role that she absolutely adores.
Jesse Jane-Hey girl.
Honorable mention-I told you I could go on forever about this topic. Here’s some women that are great, and if the list went to a million, they’d all be on it
Ruth Graves Wakefield-Inventor of the chocolate chip cookie
Louise Simonson-Comic Book writer and editor. Check out her work on X-Factor! It’s what made me fall in love with the X-Men.
Lita Ford-Do I really have to say anything?
Tori Wilson-A huge part of the attitude era, the second most popular era in pro-wrestling history. All you butt-hurt wrestling bloggers can shove it
Angela Landsbury-Her portrayal of Jessica Fletcher is the single greatest work in television history.
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